The cheapest way to buy chicken is to buy a whole chicken. Great, but what the fuck do you do with an entire chicken?
Well, tonight we are going to roast it. Preheat the oven to 425°F. Take it out of its protective packaging, and give it a thorough rinse, removing anything that might be inside of it. (Giblets, chunks of fat, feathers, etc.) Pat dry.
Sprinkle with salt and pepper inside and out and toss in the oven. Cook for about an hour. That is all. If you’d like to get adventurous, you could truss the chicken or shove some random veggies from the refrigerator into its hollow little chest to help keep the breast from drying out, but don’t worry about it if you lack string or random vegetables.
Chicken is done when it reaches an internal temperature of 165° F. You put the thermometer in the thigh to check.
Eat the wings immediately. They’re tasty, but there’s not enough meat on them to make cleaning them anything more than a pain in the ass.
You could throw in a baked potato and turn it into a slightly more balanced meal. The heat is a little higher than you usually use for baked potatoes, so perhaps some tin foil?
So, what to do with the rest of the chicken?
The easiest thing to do is to let it cool off a bit and then remove the meat from the carcass*. You could also just put the whole chicken in the refrigerator and do it later, but it’s slightly more work when it’s cold. We’ll use the rest of the chicken in another recipe.
*You can make chicken stock from the carcass. I find this to be a pain in the ass and just buy stock at the grocery store, but let me know if it’s something you’re interested in.
Dice these things (or throw them in a food processor) and saute in a teaspoon of oil over medium/medium-high heat stirring frequently.
1 small onion or 1/2 large onion
2 serano peppers
2 jalapeno peppers
Cook until soft and add a large teaspoon of minced garlic and a large teaspoon of minced chipotle peppers. (Chipotle peppers can found in a can in the “ethnic food” aisle of your grocery store. They keep approximately forever if stored in an airtight container.)
Add a shot of some sort of alcohol and use it to help you scrape up any bits that are stuck to the bottom of the pan. (This is called deglazing.) Beer, whiskey, and red wine all work especially well and you can be more generous with the beer and wine.
Reduce heat to low and add one 64 oz. can of tomato juice.
Drain and add one (14 to 16 oz.) can of each:
Pinto beans may be omitted and chili beans added in their place. Do not drain chili beans.
Throw in several handfuls of frozen corn.
Add spices to taste. These spices. All of them.
crushed red pepper flakes
2 bay leaves
You could also throw some chili powder in there if you happen to have some on hand, but do not go out and buy it.
Turn heat up to medium-low/medium and sample after it’s simmered for at least ten minutes. Adjust spices as needed.
Simmer, but do not bring to full boil, for at least another 20 minutes.
Eat with crackers and cheese.
The spicier it is the more effective it will be at curing your hangover…and clearing your sinuses. The Scoville Scale can help you decide which peppers you want.